Aed jokes
Pokemon: Are you a Flareon? Why?
Because you’re a sexy fox.
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup? A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
What will die immediately instead of having to suffer torture on the spike of a Judas cradle? A Geometry Dash icon.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?
He was caught aimbotting.
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
What's one piece of stationary gay kids always forget to bring to school? A ruler.
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
If I ever ran for public office, I'd make Rajan a call center employee again.
What does a butt do when it is angry?
Butt crack!
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
I followed the sun for a day (stood there at noon). I found myself at the same spot.
You know who deserves a medal? The guy who killed Hitler.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.