Aed jokes

What goes zzub-zzub?

A bee flying backwards.

What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.

Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.

Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.

Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

What's black and white and red all over?

A massacre at a funeral.

What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?

A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.

How do you stay warm in a cold room?

You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀

How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?

Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.

What category of music did JFK like?

You could say he was a metalhead.

One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"

The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)