Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Google Jokes
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
Why did an orphan go on Google Maps?
To try and find their parents.
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.
Why can’t orphans have Google Homes?
Because they don’t have a home.
Have you guys heard about the crazy shadow glitch in the game Sonic X? Just google "Sonic X Shadow."