Aed jokes

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

What do you call a redneck on fire?

A fire cracker.

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

Bully: Hey virgin!

Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.

Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

Victim: Just wait nine months.

How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?

The dog lead went slack.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."

So I said, "Aquarius."

And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?

Roses are red, violets are violet.

My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

A Chinese couple had a black baby and named him Sum Ting Wong.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.