Aed jokes
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.