Aed jokes
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.
I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?
Because so he does not have a home button.
What's an orphan's favorite battle zone? The home front.
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.
Guys, add me as a friend in Roblox. I'm hawaiilover973 :D