Aed jokes
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!