Aed jokes
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?
Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.