Aed jokes
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Lil Johnny looked a lil bonny, but then when he saw Tommy, he decided to bomb me.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
What would good be if it was a place?
It would be a desert because it had too many droughts!
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
I wonder if [I] would have rekt Hitler in a 1v1 build battle in Fortnite.
A man needs to leave for a lengthy business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine.
He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts, “Voodoo Dick, the door!”
The wooden penis flies across the room and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cashier’s desk and, once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box, and the cashier closes the lid.
The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand,” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!”
The man nods and heads home.
Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip.
A few days later, the wife becomes very horny and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout, “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can but just can’t get it out. The wife panics and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims, “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!”
The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief.
“Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.