Aed jokes
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?
The "Ching Chang Gang."
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never get a home run.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
Tonight I'll be eating freshly grown pork cutlets with a fresh juicy amount of Poké Balls.
Do you get what I am trying to poke out?
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."