Aed jokes
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
What is Beethoven's favorite vehicle?
A van.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
Two mates walk into a bar.
Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"
Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."
Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"
Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."
Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
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A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."