Accident jokes

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.

I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.

L

So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.

But don't worry, he is all right now.

My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

'Cause it got knocked down on its way.

Johnathon

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.

I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"

Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.

Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.

Why did the parachute refuse to open?

Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

USS Liberty. Never forget.

It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.

Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?

Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.