Accident jokes
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she is a dumb b*tch!
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Kobe Bryant survived the plane crash.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
"I created the Human Torch."
"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.
Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."