Accident jokes

What is big, yellow, and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.

This is Sally.

Sally says hi.

This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕

U were accidental.

A ball hit me in the vagina.

Why did the parachute refuse to open?

Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?

A. His mom threw an oven at him.

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.

What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?

He Neverland.

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.

What's black and at the top of the staircase? Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

Why did Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

Suck on a finger, once bite it off, taste it, put some ketchup on it, wait, I'm making a mess, I bit it off!

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?

They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.

Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders on the car dashboard.