Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.
Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."
The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!
Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"
The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.
Man: "Dolly!"
The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."
The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."
Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!
