Accident jokes
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire.
Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"
Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
Presidents are normal, physically.
Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
Aspen pooped herself.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.
You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.