You're jokes

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.

Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.

What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?

SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.

Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

Your mama so ugly that even Rick Astley had to give her up.

Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?

Me: Nah, not really.

Friend: What did they feel like?

Me: 7th grade.

Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

A: Either way they'll kill your dog.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."