You're jokes
Your mama is so fat, One Punch Man had to punch twice.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.
Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
Teacher: I was an orphan once.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."
Gf: "I luv u too."
Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."
Gf: "Ah, about that..."
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"