You're jokes
I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"
I say, "Your parents."
Your mom is so skinny, she eats Skinny Pop!
Your hairline is what caused the Great Depression.
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
Hey paps, BONE-appetit!
(Just eat your spaguetti.)
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
If your best friend tells you that he's gay for you, what do you do? Tell him, "Oh, nice gay ass."
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
It used to be "My Body, My Choice" until Trump came to power. Now it's "Your Body, My Choice."
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.
Your hair goes so far back in time, even cavemen saw it!
Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Interviewer: What are your strengths?
Interviewee: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: And your weaknesses?
Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...