You jokes

What do you call disabled people that follow politics?

A special interest group.

What do you call two Mexicans fighting? Juan on Juan.

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a sea-saw.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?

There is sperm on the computer screen.

Son: Dad, am I adopted?

Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

You leave the plunger in the toilet.

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?

The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.

That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.

Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

Me: "Why did you?"

Mom: "I was very drunk..."

Explains a lot...