You jokes
"Ur Grandma" You think you're funny? Well, sorry, but you're not.
Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
What is a good night's sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk walk home from school. Was your time I had dinner night night? Dinner night, is it fun for me? I o I had dinner.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears!
What do you call the worst feeling ever?
Drinking Big before Mini. :)
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show? He's got some "sweet" moves!
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Where do you take Stephen Hawking: to the hospital, or PC World?
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
Fritz Cheng was asked to write three articles on the subject. He went to his grandmother and advised her: "Question: Kill people! I am sorry, Mr. Fritz, I am looking for his brother—what do you suggest?"
Brother: "I'm Superman. I am Superman!"
Fritz remembers entering the room. That's Alfredo's question in front of the TV: "Do you have any advice?"
Fritz tells a story from his school days. "Remember our words?" said Professor Fleck. "An artist? Is that true? Frison, who are you?"
"I am Superman. I'm Superman," he said. "I hope to meet the president."
Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
What do you call a disabled person drowning?
A boat.
Tung tung tung sahur. Three tungs when you say his name? So many tungs I oughta call you a polyglot.
For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but... we're still working on it.
You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.