Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
You Jokes
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
How do you win an argument against an emo?
Kick the chair!
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
