You jokes

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?

•Terminal

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

How do women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.

How do you make a fruit punch?

You give it a pair of boxing gloves.