You jokes

Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.