You jokes

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?

•Terminal

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

what do you call a retard smoking weed?

a baked potato.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

Like if you think rape jokes are funny.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

Therapist: So what brought you here today?

Wife: He's too literal.

Therapist: And you, sir?

Husband: My truck.

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."

Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.