You jokes

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.

Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

How do you make a fruit punch?

You give it a pair of boxing gloves.

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."