You jokes
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
10/7 is probably a spinoff of 9/11.
You can't convince me otherwise.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
God is you... If you have a dog
What do you call an emo girl with a flat chest?
A cutting board.
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.
Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?
They're calling it Finding Emo.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?
Friend: No?
Person: Exactly.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
What do you call a rapper who becomes a chef?
A LYRICAL COOK!
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.