You jokes
If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
lol so so so true
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.
Time for you to stop looking at jokes on worstjokesever.com and go to bed!
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
You
You
You're the cow.
Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.
You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.
What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".
So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".
So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"
I know, it's an awful joke.