You jokes
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.
How do you know you had a gay cookout?
All the hotdogs taste like ass.
What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?
A green bean.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.