You jokes

Matt

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?

Matt!

Forehead

You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.

You don't have dreams, you have movies.

Memes

Grape

What did the purple grape say to the green grape? "Breathe, you idiot, breathe!"

Get it?

Orphan

Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.

Kid

Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

Grenade

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

Pregnancy

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

Suicide

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

Nose

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲