You jokes
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.
Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?
They're calling it Finding Emo.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?
Friend: No?
Person: Exactly.
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!
Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with kids.
I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"
She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"
I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"
The Earth used to be flat until they buried yo mama.
Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.
The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Why can you bully an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
What is the difference between a feminazi and a female prostitute?
If you want the female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What do you call a gay retard? Fruit and vegetable soup.
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.