I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
You Jokes
What do you call a sad Doge?
What?
Nothing but Sarrrooooddd!
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"
What time is it when you say "what?"
Time to start over!
"you too"
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What do you call a cow in a moving van?
A: A mooving cow.
Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
