Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That’s means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
“You’re da bomb!” “No, you’re da bomb!”
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What do you call a bee that lives in America. A USB
What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.
Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
yo mama’s so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team because everyone who can run jump and swim is already in America
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid… I’m so glad I’m in the 1%.
Fortnite is like America… At one time it was good and free. Now it’s neither.
What was Osama Bin Laden’s favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
Two fish walked in to a wall one said to the other “dam”
What’s an abreviation for school in America
Jokes just as dead as the victims
What do you call an Angry Texan?
a Confederate leader
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy