3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

Fortnite is like America… At one time it was good and free. Now it’s neither.

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.

Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do? A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

Two fish walked in to a wall one said to the other “dam”

What was Osama Bin Laden’s favorite drink?

A Double Manhattan.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

How to decorate a wall:

Strip of the paper and original plaster

put on fresh plaster and wall paper

paint it (if you want)

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid… I’m so glad I’m in the 1%.

What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

“You’re da bomb!” “No, you’re da bomb!”

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

yo mama’s so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.

3 people explored the jungles, one was was France, one from Britain, and the other from America. While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three “You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However we aren’t that heartless so we’ll let you choose your deaths.” So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head and said “Viva la France” and shot himself. The Britain guy requested for poison and said “For the queen” and drank the poison. Lastly the American asked for a spoon, the tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself “Try make a canoe out of this one!”

Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms. Knock Knock who’s there not bob

What’s the a simulation between a p.... and a rubix cube

The more you play with it the harder it gets

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team because everyone who can run jump and swim is already in America

Why can’t America play chess?

They’re missing two towers

why is america bad at chess, we already lost two towers

School and Boot Camp are a lot alike, the only difference is that in school you don’t have to get deployed to get shot at

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