Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That’s means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
“You’re da bomb!” “No, you’re da bomb!”
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What do you call a bee that lives in America. A USB
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.
What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team because everyone who can run jump and swim is already in America
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.
Do u know why God created wars ? to teach Americans geography
What was Osama Bin Laden’s favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
So we all know that old kids joke why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. Well why was 10 scared? Because he was in the middle of 9 11
Fortnite is like America… At one time it was good and free. Now it’s neither.
yo mama’s so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid… I’m so glad I’m in the 1%.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy
3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.
In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.