America

America jokes

Preference

    • Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?

    Liam: I like you both.

    Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?

    Liam: I will go to paris.

    Mother: That's means you like dad more.

    Liam: No, its because i like paris.

    Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?

    Liam: I will go to America.

    Mother: Why?

    Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

  • 9

    • Phone Call

    • Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

  • 10

    • Fruit

    • Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

    The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

    They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

  • 71
    • America memes

    Parachute

    • A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

  • 3

    • Bomb

    • "You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

    In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

  • 16

    • 911

    • I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

  • 3

    • Kanye West

    • After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.

  • 4

    • Boat

    • If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

  • 19

    • Penis

    • What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?

    The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

  • 1

    • Taliban

    • If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

  • 1

    • Existence

    • A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

  • 4