You jokes

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?

Silicon Valley.

Kid: What is between mom's legs?

Dad: Paradise.

Kid: What's between your legs?

Dad: The key to paradise.

Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.

Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!

Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.

What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?

Raped.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber 🥒

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.

What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?

Wheelchair.