You jokes

What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?

Silicon Valley.

Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.

Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!

Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.

What do TVs and girls have in common?

They both show you stuff when you turn them on!

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber 🥒

You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.

A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.

What's the difference between you and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.

(She's blind and deaf)

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?

Wheelchair.

Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.

You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.