You jokes
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
Memes
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!