You jokes

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.

If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?

A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Why do feminists eat so much pussy?

To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.

Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?

Well, he’s all right now!

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

Do you want to play Titanic?

When I say iceberg, you go down on me.

I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.