You jokes

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten tickles.

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

How do you make a fruit punch?

You give it a pair of boxing gloves.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

How do you know when Helen Keller is home?

Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!

What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"