You jokes
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a photo of an orphan?
A family photo.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
An investigator!
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"