You jokes
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
What do you call a picture of an orphan?
A family photo.
Name a nut. You because are nuts.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."
How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.
I have had it up to here with you.
(Then there Hight.)
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?
If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?
Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An im-pasta.
What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?
Let the mango.
Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?
Answer: Ryan's forehead.