You jokes

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.

Welcome to Dave’s orphanage. You make it, we take it.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

Do you know what the F in orphan is for...

Family.

Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

What do you call a group of Daveons? A "daveon-ation."

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"