What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
You Jokes
What do you call a burned Mexican? A fried torteya.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Moas didn't even know that existed!
I am deciding to do songs on this app... so I am a type songs. If you want a specific song typed I will type just comment!
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait/A selfie.
"Ow! You hit the spot!"
