You jokes
No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.
Explain Bear is always there for you.
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
What do you call someone who fixes walls?
Juan, probably.
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
A: Cha-ching!
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.