You jokes

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

What do you call a girl with no legs?

Unshakeable.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..

Hot Wheels.

Tyler is ugly.

If you are called Tyler, change your name.

Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.

Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?

Me: Word.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"

Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?

Orphan: I'm hungry.

Dad: Let's go to KFC.

Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!

What do you call a man without a body and a nose?

What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?

Blue Jay Simpson!

What do you call a crazy lesbian?

Fruit Loops.

You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you?