You jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.
Gwen, are you there?
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!
Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
What's the difference between me and you?
Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
Did you know I can't count to whatever number is after 4?
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.
Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."
You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"
Like if you laugh.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
What do you call a Pakie with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick.
Did you hear about the bank robber?
Turns out he got shot by the police.
And he wound up in prison.