You jokes

How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"

How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?

Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.

Like this if you have ever had a family member die.

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"

Way down South: "You awake, mom?"

Like if you think oily men are hot.

It's okay, you had socks on :)

When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.

Disabled man stands up.

Blind man: “You can stand?”

Deaf man: “You can see?”

Mute man: “You can hear?”

Disabled man: “You can talk?”

Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”

Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”

Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!

What do you call having a 69 with a guy in a wheelchair?

MEALS ON WHEELS :-)

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

I told her roses are red, violets are blue. God made me pretty, what the hell happened to you! MF😅🤣😂

"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)

What's the difference between you and an orphan?

Nothing.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

What kind of trumpet are you playing?

An "Donald Trumpet"!

Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?

She has.