You jokes
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!
Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
What do you call a group of Emos?
Suicide squad.
What do you call an anorexic blond with a yeast infection?
... A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?
Yeah, neither has he.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.
Me: "Are you ok sir?"
Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."
Me: "Well, which one are ya?"
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Hello, this is Godlygirl26. I want to help people with their problems no matter what. There is nothing that God cannot do. I want y'all to know that God is with you, not any of those stone or wood "gods" but a true, loving, powerful God. DM this right here and I will answer. Hope I can help you! Love, Godlygirl26.