You jokes
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
In America, you find Waldo.
In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
Memes
Who is Joe?
You reply back: Who is Candice?
They reply back: Who is Candice?
You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.
What do you call a Muslim in a swimming pool? A bath bomb.
How can you tell if Google is a girl?
It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.