You jokes

Why are they called s’mores?

Because you always want another one!

What do you call security outside a Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

What do you call a person who wants to be punched a lot?

A clout chaser.

Search up "clout meaning" if you don't get it.

Did you hear the one about the deaf person?

Me: No.

That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?

You're-a-peein'. European.

Being bullied by an artist? Want them to leave you alone?

www.VincentVanGoghAway.com

Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!

Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.

Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?

Never mind. It’s too cheesy!

How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?

Simple. All in the ashtray.

Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?

Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.

Your race's favorite Star Wars Characters:

Arab...Admiral Ackbar (Allahu Akbar)

East Asian...Qui-Gon Jinn (Ching-Chong-Wing-Wong)

Jew...Rey (Ray)

Black...BB-8 (BBC)

Italian...Jabba the Hutt (Pizza Hut)

German...Admiral Piett (Hitler)

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”