You jokes
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
Memes
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Your mom and your dad.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
If at first you don’t succeed... then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"