You Jokes

What do you call a stoned Mexican?

Baked bean.

They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground meat.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

What do you call a group of emos?

The Suicide Squad.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

You know, 9/11 jokes aren't funny, they're just PLANE wrong!

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.

You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."

What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?

Panera sped.

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

Can you go as a horse for Halloween?

Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.

You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.