You Jokes

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fish with no eyes.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?

Seasoned vegetables.

The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

What do you call 2 nudists in Africa?

Naked and Afraid.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"9/11."

"9/11 who?"

"You said you'd never forget!"

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.

You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."

The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

What do you call a sad coffee?

Despresso.