You jokes
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.
Memes
Man: Can you be my girlfriend?
Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.
Man: Oh, here's your rope.
Like if you wanna have sex.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.