You jokes
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
You sat on a chair with Uranus.
Were you born on the highway? That's where most accidents happen.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?
Do you think he saw us?
Well shit.
Do you like CDs?
There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!
Do you know what the "W" in Africa stands for? Water!
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)
What’s the only other advantage of being an orphan?
The teacher can’t give you homework.
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
Why go across town when you can go across the hall?
Kid: I forgot to flush the toilet, sorry I just forgot.
Adult: Just like your parents forgot YOU 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.