You jokes

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”

“No.”

“Neither have they.”

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?

Teacher: 203

Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?

Teacher: You can't.

Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?

Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.

The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?

Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.

Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.

Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?

Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?

Student: No, the alligators are at the party.

Sally dies anyway, how?

Teacher: She frowned?

Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.

What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?

A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).

What do you call a winter time contact?

A Santa Claus.

What did the Roman say to the gladiator?

See you later, gladiator.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:

Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).

Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.

Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."

Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?

Just tell them that it floats.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

When you cream pie a tardy hottie, it’s called a loaded potato. 🥴🦴💨🥔

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What do you call an orphan home alone?

A family reunion.