You jokes

Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭

Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

What did the baritone say to the alto?

Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.

How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

Do you want to hear a cold joke?

Can't. It warmed up.

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

Hey, you down to fuck?

No, I’m just down.

You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?

Other: What's snoo?

You: Not much, how 'bout you?

Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅

What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?

Adolf Hit Her.

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

What are three things you can't give a black guy?

A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.

You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

How can you tell what kind of emo you are?

By how deep the cuts are on your forearm.

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

Singing in the shower is fun, until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it's a soap opera.