You jokes

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?

Helen Killer.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

I have no eye deer!

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.

What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

Predator 2.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?

A baked potato.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.

Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."

Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"

Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."

Orphan: "Why?"

Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.