You jokes
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."
What do you call a homosexual wrestler?
Gay Mysterio.
Memes
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?
Con Fuckacarcass.
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
What's the difference between you and a bench?
A bench can hold a family.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
"White people can't jump..."
"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
You should go soul searching. Maybe you'll find one.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.