You jokes
Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.
Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
Me: Hey, are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
Memes
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Iโll never forget my fatherโs last words to me just before he died: โAre you sure you fixed the brakes?โ
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You canโt milk a cow for 15 years.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Are you a haunted house? Because Iโm going to scream when Iโm in you! ๐ซ
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when youโre on top of me.
I hope you remembered my name since youโll be screaming it later.