You jokes
Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
- JFK
Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?
Sure, man. I. H. O. P.
Wait, you ate my pee!!!
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
Did you know that in 2001 there was an Among Us game, except that it was on a plane and had two imposters.
Have you played the game Imagine Dragons? Imagine draggin' deez nuts!
What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.
How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.