You jokes

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.

I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.

"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"

"It was only the Bass!"

What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.

You want a joke? My entire existence.

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.

When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.

When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.

Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!

What do you call an Asian k9? E10

If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.