You jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.

Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?

British cigarettes get smoked easily.

What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.

Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫

Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?

Van Halen's "Jump."

Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?

It goes right over their head.

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

I have no eye deer!