You jokes
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Like if you have a dad.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
how fun
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
POV: You liked this joke because you're straight.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.