I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s p..... The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds “Oh. I’m terribly sorry. You see, I’m so gay I can’t even park straight.”
what do you call a lazy gay? someone who comes straight out of the closet,and goes straight to the couch.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That’s why she is my friend, after all! :D
what is the difference between the rook and the bishop the rook goes straight while the bishop f...s the kids
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
So, I was walking down the path of my life with bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his. One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, “You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?” He, then, looks me straight in the eyes, and say,“Raw!”
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol
I told my wife* she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised
*(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as an helix ruler)