Straight jokes
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?
Both of them.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
Bisexuals aren’t gay.
Bisexuals aren’t straight.
They’re graight! 😂
Why can’t a gay person walk a trail? Because a gay person can’t walk on a straight line.
You're so ugly you make gay/lesbian people straight!
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.