You jokes
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
exactly
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
Did you hear about the gay choirboy?
He choked on his first hymn.
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
What do you call 4 black guys and 2 white guys?
The Oreo Gang!
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
What’s the most played song in Africa?
Have you ever seen the rain?
So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
What do you call an under-the-weather seven?
A sick seven.