You jokes
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
What do you call an under-the-weather seven?
A sick seven.
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Memes
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
What do you call a Chinese man in the summer heat? Boi Ling.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.