You jokes

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?

I heard it was because of pier pressure.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"But I'm not dead yet!"

"But we're not there yet."

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?

You better not lay a finger on her!

When you have a bladder infection,

You're in trouble. 😜

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.

What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you are in prison.

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.