You jokes
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?
Friend 2: Yup.
Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?
Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.
Friend: Why?
Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.