You jokes

Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?

Friend 2: Yup.

Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?

Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.

Friend: Why?

Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.

You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

What do you call an Indian electrician?

Ashok 😂

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.

What do you call a depressed group of kids?

Suicide squad.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.