You jokes
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.
What category of music did JFK like?
You could say he was a metalhead.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
What do you call a depressed group of kids?
Suicide squad.
How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.