You jokes

Are you Wi-Fi? Because I think I am finding a connection.

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

In Boston we say,

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.

Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

What do you call an Indian electrician?

Ashok 😂

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

What do you call a retard in a house fire?

Flame Retardant.

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*