You jokes

Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.

Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.

What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.

What do you call a vegan slut?

A garden ho!

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?

Matt.

How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.

Are you Wi-Fi? Because I think I am finding a connection.

What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?

A milk dud 😂

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.

In Boston we say,

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."