You jokes
What do you call a kid with special needs with a gun? Special Forces.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
I knew you played football because your hairline is receding.
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"
Never eat more than you can lift.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
What do you call a rabbit with a big ass?
A BUNny.
Did you hear about the bad joke? No? It hasn't been made up yet. HAHAHAHAHAHA
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
Yo mama so fat, you deported herself.
What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?
Stuffed.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!