You jokes

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.

You won't feel lonely anymore :(

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.

Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

"You look like you've lost some weight."

"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

What do you call Hitler speeding?

The Fast and the Fuherous.