You jokes

What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?

He won a no-bell prize.

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.

"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.

"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

you.

A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"

Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?

A: He rapes D minor.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?

Because he’s a ball hog.

Old man goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

What did the cake say to the fork?

"Do you want a piece of me!!!"

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!

What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?

Caregiver.

What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.