You jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeno.

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

What do you call a gay barbecue?

LGTBBQ.

What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?

Quatro Sinco.

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.

How do you know when a football player has been to jail?

When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?

The suicide squad.

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?