You jokes
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Memes
What do you call a gay barbecue?
LGTBBQ.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?
The suicide squad.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.