You jokes
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣
I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
Any game: "Are you a boy or a girl?"
Non-binary people: *cries*
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.