You jokes

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

Why is a wet pavement like playing music?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeno.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.

You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

Hey God, what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?

A paintball.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”