You jokes
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
a family photo.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?
A: A creepy crawly.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.