Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Guys, don’t let nobody hurt you with words.
Like someone once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is just a scoreboard.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
