You jokes

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.

American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"

Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"

German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

What did Earth say to the other planets?

"You guys have no life!"

What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.

You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

What do KFC and pussy have in common?

Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.

My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?

An avalanche.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

Rizz,

Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.

Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.

You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.

Guys, don’t let nobody hurt you with words.

Like someone once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Heads and shoulders.

What do you call a sneaky child molester?

Incogpedo.

What do you call a group of emos?

Limited Edition.