Yesterday jokes

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.

It was a Risk I was willing to take.

I got detention yesterday because I called the group of emo kids the suicide squad.

An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday.

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.

Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.

So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

Yesterday I went to a lightbulb party, and it was lit.

That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.

My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.

Now she's having a breakfast.

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday.

Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.