Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday..lets just say i quit my job as a butcher
I tried to catch fog yesterday...
Mist
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
hi this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic,where yesterday loss is today's sauce
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
Yesterday I made a website for orphans. But it doesn't have a home.
I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!
All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.
I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
