An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down
Yesterday during The storm there was a blackout, so I shot him
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Yesterday I purchased a world map And told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands I will take her turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge
got fired from the bank yesterday
they caught me drinking on the job
An African man visits his friend in the US
“I just flew in yesterday” the African man says “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America” replied his friend.
“Joke?” The African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country”.
I ate a sock yesterday. It was very time-consuming
why can't you fool an aborted baby?
because it wasn't born yesterday.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat , but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.
I work in a garage and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said,"why wont my car go straight
I only want play with your daughter, it were okay yesterday
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic where yesterday's meat is todays treat. How may I be of service?
I noticed my friends hairline yesterday I could tell it was a super cuts hair Solon hair cut so how I could tell was cuz it was super alright, super lame
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed, turns out the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he cant get 5 stars because he ain't wanted
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID. Son (in a happy tone): I know. Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad? Son: Well yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
